The next hurdle was telling my family. The thought of talking to my children about this diagnosis filled me with anxiety. What would they think? How would they react? Would they be surprised? I couldn’t stop overthinking it. I spent days running through possible conversations in my head, trying to predict their responses. The biggest fear? That I’d have to justify my diagnosis. I didn’t want to do that. So, I decided that Tuesday, 13th November, was the day I would talk to my daughter. I arranged to meet her for coffee and promised myself I wouldn’t get too anxious.
The conversation went pretty much as I expected. She was surprised, of course. I’m sure she hadn’t considered that I might have ADHD. When I explained some of the traits - poor sleep, rumination, social anxiety, disorganisation, busy brain - I got the predictable responses: "I do that too," or "That could just be anxiety." I could feel myself getting frustrated. Yes, I know it’s common for women to experience those things, but it’s not the same as having ADHD. Truthfully, it was hard not to feel like I was being dismissed.
But I had to remind myself: I don’t need to justify my diagnosis to anyone. It’s official. I’m not self-diagnosed. A professional has confirmed it, and that is enough. My kids might not fully understand it, and that’s okay. ADHD isn’t a one-size-fits-all condition. As I’ve learned, when you’ve met one person with ADHD, you’ve met one person with ADHD. My experiences and presentation are completely different from anyone else I know. So, it’s understandable that people might try to compare me with other people they know.
I’ve realised that I can’t control how others understand or react to my diagnosis. What matters is that I understand it, and that I don’t need to justify it. This is me. I’m learning to accept it, even if it takes a bit of time for those around me to truly grasp what ADHD means in my life. And, in the meantime, I’m learning to be kind to myself and to keep moving forward - one step at a time.
So, that’s where I am now: trying to make sense of this new reality, working on strategies to cope, and learning not to feel guilty about who I am. It’s been an odd journey so far, and it’s far from over. But at least now, I have some context, and that’s a pretty big step.
To find out what happens next on my journey, look out for Part 11 –To medicate or not to medicate – that is the question!