You know what I’ve realised about myself lately? I’m absolutely hopeless at coping with plans that are made too far ahead - weekends away, family visits, social do’s, to mention but a few. My husband, bless him, is a proper planner. All I have to do is casually say, “Ooh, it’d be nice to have a weekend away,” and next thing I know, he’s booked the train tickets, sorted the hotel and probably found us a café with good cake nearby.
Now, don’t get me wrong - it’s a lovely thing that he likes to plan things for us, and it’s always meant kindly, but for me, it can set off a bit of panic. I get this weird mix of feeling out of control, frustrated and sometimes even a bit cross - all because things have been arranged without me being part of the process. It’s daft, I know, but that's the reality.
Apparently, this sort of reaction is actually quite common among adults with ADHD. I’ve learned there’s even a name for it - temporal discounting. Basically, it’s when we struggle to value things that are too far in the future. If it’s not happening now, it might as well not exist. It’s because for many of us, our brains are wired for immediacy. We crave stimulation and tangible rewards in the moment. When something’s far off, it doesn’t light up the same parts of the brain that tell us “this is worth doing”.
For me, that rings true - especially when I think about how impulsive I can be with food, shopping, or a last minute trip to see my son and his wife. Planning something for weeks ahead? Nope! There’s no joy in that. I’d much rather have a bit of excitement today than wait for something that might feel good later on.
It’s that whole “now or not now” way of seeing time that’s so common with ADHDers. Our brains are wired to live in the moment, not three months down the line. Future Me might love that weekend away - but Present Me can’t quite picture it, so it just doesn’t get me excited.
Booking a holiday back at the start of this year for October was a real challenge for me. At the time, it felt almost impossible to get excited about something that was months away. How am I supposed to feel thrilled about a trip that Future Me’s going on, not me right now? How do I even know how I will feel in 10 months time? That’s the thing with ADHD and temporal discounting - if it’s not happening in the moment, my brain sort of shrugs and goes, “not bothered.” Even though I knew it’d be fab when the time came, the idea of sorting flights, accommodation, etc, felt completely disconnected from any real sense of reward. It’s like trying to plan for someone else’s life, not your own. So, getting that October holiday booked was a win. Not because it was hard work, but because it was so far away in time that my brain just didn’t see the point… until suddenly, it was now (or last week actually), and I was so happy I'd booked a winter holiday. And, of course, a good time was had by all!