When it came to my social life, I was desperate to fit in. We came from a church family, so much of my time was spent in church activities. For the longest time, I thought the reason I never quite fit in was because of this. But maybe it wasn’t just that. Looking back, I can see that I always felt like I didn’t quite belong. I wasn’t unpopular or weird — in fact, I’d say I was quite well-liked among my peers. But I constantly needed to be in a relationship. From the age of 12, I always had a boyfriend, in one form or another. I craved the excitement, the buzz of a new relationship. I doubt there was ever a time when I wasn’t in some sort of relationship, even if they were shallow.
At times, this caused issues between my friends and me. I wasn’t always careful about my choices, and there were instances where I’d become interested in someone who was also someone else’s crush. That would often lead to fallouts with friends, which, if I’m honest, didn’t really seem to matter to me at the time.
As I’ve been filling out these assessments, I’ve become acutely aware of how much of my childhood and teenage years may have been influenced by the challenges of ADHD. My relationships, my schoolwork, my social life, and my home life were all impacted by an inability to regulate certain behaviours. While none of these behaviours were particularly extreme, there were consistent issues that have shaped who I am today. One of the biggest problems was my constant lateness. My father was very strict and had clear rules in our house, but I was always getting grounded for being late home. I couldn’t quite figure out why this was happening — was it a lack of discipline, an inability to stick to rules, or maybe I just lost track of time? Perhaps I underestimated how long it would take me to get home, especially since my friends and I would often hang out quite far from where I lived. Getting back on time was a constant struggle, and I remember it being a source of tension with my dad.
When I was 14 or 15, I got into trouble with the police after a fight in the street. It started because a girl had insulted a friend of mine, and I felt it was my duty to defend my friend's reputation. While I didn’t see anything wrong with stepping in to protect her, the way I went about it clearly wasn’t the right approach. This eventually led to me being arrested and cautioned for the altercation. I didn’t realise that my impulsive need to defend a friend could lead to such consequences. Of course, I got grounded for this, too.
Thinking about my childhood, my teenage years, and now my adult life has been a real journey of discovery. As I look at my experiences through a completely different lens, I’m starting to make sense of patterns I never understood before. Reflecting on this with a clearer perspective has really opened my eyes to how ADHD could have played a role in many of my behaviours and decisions.
To find out what happens next on my journey, look out for Part 8 – I don’t do that, do I?!